Is it still me?

Yesterday I was getting ready to put Rosie in the bath, and I spotted our reflection in the mirror. There I was, holding a naked baby, and I realized, I'm a mother. I'm a mother to a real person. I don't know why it didn't really hit me before now. I'm not talking that I just figured out I'm Rosie's mom. I'm saying that I've just realized that my entire IDENTITY has changed.

I knew that having a baby would change things - toys around the house, diapers to change, sleepless nights... but what I didn't realize was that I would change. I guess I thought that I would have a baby, be her mom, but be the same person I was before I got pregnant. Well, that's not what happened.

My priority list has completely shifted and what used to be close to the top (me) has moved to somewhere near the bottom. I can't say I'm a "runner" anymore. I can't say I'm "skinny" anymore. I wear a size 10 now, and I used to think size 6 was big. You may be rolling your eyes right now, but being skinny was who I was. The only clothes I buy myself have quick boob-access. My fashion sense surrounds clothes for a person who weighs less than 20 pounds. The only interaction I have with other people besides Leo center around Rosie. The last non-parenting book I read was last April.

And the craziest thing about it is, I love it. I don't care that I'm not a runner anymore. I don't care that I'm not skinny anymore. I don't care that I can't shop at Bebe or BCBG Max Azria anymore. But if you would have told me that this was how it was going to be - that this was how much I would change, first off I would not have believed you, and second, if I did, I probably would have been a little pissed. It's quite amazing how one person, one tiny person, can change my entire view of the world and my own identity, but at the same time make me so darn happy. Instead of wallowing in my own lost identity issues, I feel nothing but gratitude - that somehow I deserve to be her mom.