Thursday, September 30, 2004

The Science of Sleep - the progression of Rosie's shut-eye factor

Before I became a mommy, I had no idea that sleeping would become the biggest factor of our lives. When we sleep, how we sleep, and how little we sleep, these are all major topics. I had no idea that books, books, and more books are dedicated to the subject (I now own at least 4, I lost count). There are online message boards completely devoted to sleep problem support (I belong to three). There are "sleep training systems" ranging from letting the child cry till he drops to wearing your baby on your body during all your waking hours while baby sleeps. And almost always, the first question someone asks me when they meet my baby: "is she sleeping through the night?" or, "is she a good sleeper?"

The answer for us was usually No. She was not sleeping through the night and she was not what anyone could consider a good sleeper. Ok, actually she was able to go 4-5 hour stretches pretty early on in her life, but those 4 or 5 hours were usually surrounded by us rocking her, putting the pacifier back in her mouth, running up and down the stairs to console her crying. And let’s not even talk about naps. At one point during my maternity leave I was crying to Leo that I felt like all I did all day was fight her to sleep. I hated it. I hated when she woke up because it meant that with in 2 hours I would have to start the fight all over again. She would never stop moving – from birth – constantly, moving, looking, moving, kicking, punching… She would go hours and hours without sleeping, and cry because she was so overtired but simply would not close her eyes. We actually had to start rubbing her eyes closed because they would not shut on their own.

Finally we had a breakthrough and discovered the single thing that saved our sanity: the miracle blanket.


Rosie finally slept. She could nap. She could stop her body from moving long enough to actually relax. It was heaven. This kept us all sane for a couple months. We were sleeping again. No, no, not through the night, silly. But she was napping. It was so beautiful. We loved the blanket. Oh the blanket was our friend! We naturally assumed that we could continue use of this blanket until she went off to college. We didn’t dare think that she would outgrow it. No, that wouldn’t happen.

And then it began. It started slowly… writhing in discomfort occasionally… the happy smile not so happy during the wrap. We were in denial. This couldn’t be because of the swaddle, right? There must be something else.

Then she learned to roll – a full body roll in any possible direction and with determined speed. But rolling has nothing to do with swaddling. The two are unrelated, right? We stayed in denial until the day Rosie’s nanny came to me and said, how long has Rosie been able to roll over while she’s swaddled? My heart sank. What would we do?

That night was one of the worst night of our parenting lives thus far. We put her to bed unswaddled. And although she was physically ready, her little mind could not handle it. She was confused and upset, and it was absolutely horrible. You don’t need details, but suffice it to say that I cried nearly as much as she did. I hated hearing our happy baby so sad.

But babies learn fast, especially young ones and the very next night she had a much better handle on it. She could sleep. Ok, we were rocking her to sleep, and she was waking up every 2 hours, and we were up and down helping her go back to sleep, but she wasn’t miserable, and she was learning that her limbs were not enemies.



I know this is getting long, bear with me, there is an ending.

So at this point in the story, we’ve gotten through swaddleholics anonymous, yet Rosie is still waking every 2 hours. Soooooo frustrating. I went back and forth on what to do. Do I sleep train her? Would we be horrible parents if we let her cry? Would she learn to sleep? Could she? To fall asleep unassisted??? Or do we just continue this ridiculous circle of pacifier placement and re-placement?

Upon a recommendation from my online buddy Steph of the Ellistrator, I made a decision. I would Ferber-ize her. Ferberizing is one of the many “sleep training” methods out there. Basically it involves letting your baby cry for increasing increments of time. The first day you wait 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and then 15 minutes each time after that. When you go in, you soothe, you comfort, but you don’t pick baby up and you leave after a couple minutes, baby crying or not. It was hard. The first night was a struggle. The second night was better. The third night was worse than the first. And the fourth night? A miracle happened.

I’m sorry, but Baby Laws prevent me from going any further. You see, if I gloat about success, my daughter’s telepathic powers will know. If we discuss it, sonar ears will hear me. The rules will change . . . maybe not tonight, tomorrow, or next week but they will change. But I can tell you this: now when people ask me the age-old question, “Is she a good sleeper?” I can say YES, and our house is swaddle and pacifier-free.


1 Comments:

At 7:21 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Let's face it Trista - the real reason we're trying to get our babes to sleep? More blog time!! Great site mom!

 

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